I normally don't put much faith in free internet quizzes and I certainly don't think this one is an infallible, super test, but it did hit home on a few points for me. One point in particular was that I worry too much. I began reflecting on this statement and I realized that it is indeed a fact. I worry entirely too much about things that I can't control. I worry about things like "how do people perceive me?" and "what will death be like?" I realized that I often think of these things and that they constantly shape my attitude. In fact, as I write this, both of those questions have me sick to my stomach. As I laid in my bed last night with this new found realization that I am indeed too worrisome, I felt crazy thinking of these questions.
"Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!" - Brad Pitt, SE7EN
That quote ran through my head last night. I am crazy for worrying over things that I have no control over. I often let it affect my behavior and how i perceive things in this world. I fear not living life to the fullest, but I am equally afraid, if not more so of leaving my comfortable bubble and being judged. I know that I am capable of breaking out of my bubble and experiencing life. That is a conscious decision that I must make. In the meantime, I must put my soul at ease. Their are two things that allow me to do this, Music and Philosophy.
I fell in love with philosophy in college. I wish there was a job outside of teaching for a philosophy major, because I would have switched my major in a heartbeat. The idea that I am not the only person that has struggled with the idea of death immediately puts me at ease. I am still in the process of flushing out a complete philosophy for myself. My agnosticism keeps me from definitely declaring anything, but I enjoy reading other people's thoughts and contemplating how I feel about them.
“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” - Plato
I have loved music from the time I was little. There is something about the way that a song can just change everything about the situation that you are in. Right now, I am able to listen to ambient/downtempo artists to soothe me. Tomorrow it may be rap or metal, but it doesn't matter the type of music. Music will always be able to sooth my soul.
I don't have answers to questions that plague me. I probably won't be able to stop myself from feeling anxious around people. I can however make up my mind and push myself forward into life and hopefully that will allow me to be brave when I face death. In the meantime, I will work on being crazy by soothing my soul with music and philosophy.
